I have just submitted my new economic stimulation plan to the President and I am sure that he is, at this very moment, giving it thoughtful consideration. You will be happy to learn, I am sure, that if my plan is adopted, it will bring you real hope, change you can believe in, solutions you can count on and security in which you can trust at 3 a.m. or at any time, really, including twilight.
Here are some of the features included in my plan which may be of interest to you:
• Good-as-new American-made pickups (refurbished, discontinued rental trucks as well as dealership demonstrators) are to be given to all residents driving “Island” cars held together with duct tape and registering 199,999 miles or more on their odometers.
• The current Presidential campaign is to be renounced and/or denounced . . . candidates will determine the next President of the United States by playing a rousing game of hearts. All unused campaign donations will then be distributed to the poor.
• A sizeable portion of the above-mentioned funds (millions) will be set aside to provide inexpensive gas (price to be determined by whatever it says on that old gas pump on North Road) and low-cost organic oranges as well as free “forever” postage stamps to all Islanders working three or more jobs (in addition to under-the-table freelance work such as dog-sitting, etc.) in order to survive.
• New tents and storage bins provided by FEMA will be offered to all tenants who don’t know just where to go when they leave their affordable winter-rental residences so that said-residences may be rented out, by their owners, to summer tourists who still have enough assets to afford a vacation on Martha’s Vineyard.
So get on the band wagon, Islanders! Write to the President now to let him know you support this new economic stimulation proposal (and start thinking about the color of your new truck . . . yep, in my plan you will have a choice.
Ruth Adams owns the Treehouse Gallery in West Tisbury.