The state of Massachusetts again leads the nation in methods to bring itself and eventually the nation out of the current recession. While the feds have been threatening to terminate unemployment benefits and meddle with the social security fund (please Washington, if you are going to borrow, then you need to return loans, with interest, like everyone else), Massachusetts has reaped enough of a tax surplus to start handing out free million-dollar fishing piers.

The state has decided to provide a fishing pier in the town of Oak Bluffs on Martha’s Vineyard. But human nature being what it is — I mean if one town gets a new bucket loader, then the other towns start grumbling until they get one too — the other Island towns will want their free fishing pier also. But I ask my fellow Islanders not to build their piers but to float them over to Oak Bluffs and assemble them Lego-style, reaching across the Sound to Falmouth.

Perhaps on the left side could be built Hoover-style shacks for the homeless while on the right side facing Nantucket and the 400-foot wind turbines, we might find upscale condos and jewelry stores here and there like those found on the Ponte Vecchio in Florence. All dwellings would have an ocean view. Tourists and Island people could stroll the pier or fish at will with the freedom to purchase earrings or fresh fish and chips. Electricity would be supplied directly from metal plates hanging in the tidal currents below. Human waste would be transported by a hermetically-sealed aqueduct system which would feed into the “processing plant” under Ocean Park.

If the new fishing pier is as wide as the present ferry pier, then a two-lane road could connect the Island to the mainland with a drawbridge to allow egress for the New Bedford fishing fleet and others.

Ocean Park, now a feeding and breeding area for three species of Canada geese, would (in the name of progress) be turned into a three-story parking garage mounted by luxury condos. Federal agents would check all parties entering the pier 24/7. All pier users would pass through a security checkpoint to ensure that all have the proper fishing license, that their knives do not exceed the legal length and that alcohol and other illegal items are not being consumed or transported. Oak Bluffs would provide a small boat with two hardy locals to help retrieve fish caught. My experience has been that any hooked blue or striper would not go gentle into that good night but instead head for the nearest piling and entangle itself there. The town crew would retrieve the fish for a small fee.

At first I was upset that the state was providing a free fishing pier and not funding needy social services. I see now that the fishing pier through the collection of fees, rents, parking, etc., would help not only Martha’s Vineyard and the commonwealth, but that its example would inspire other states. Through the American tradition of pork-barreling, even landlocked states such as Nebraska or Iowa could set up fishing piers in cornfields with strategically-placed duck blinds and deer stands. Yes, Massachusetts again leads the way. Instead of giving the populace cakes or circuses, it is showing that by giving away free million-dollar fishing piers it can help to jump-start the economy for the state and the nation.

John Crelan’s satires have appeared on the op-ed pages of the Chicago Tribune, Boston Herald, Cambridge Chronicle and the Vineyard Gazette. He lives in Vineyard Haven. His Web site is artsandsociety.org.