Someone has been stealing our whelk shells from the fifth tee. Maybe there is a crime ring of elderly lady crafters, hoarding attractive white shells to decorate and display next to their Hummel figurines. That’s my guess. But I don’t intimidate easily, so I will come down hard with harsh words and stern looks upon the culprits, no matter their number or age.

I will also unleash my ire on those responsible for stealing firewood from the CCC. I know that it has been dreadfully chilly these past few weeks, but there is no excuse for swiping wood. In the old days, we’d put the offending party in stocks and mock them. Nowadays, we just embarrass them in local columns. So please return our wood and shells (not to be confused with wooden shells — no one has any use for those).

We finally broke down in this heat and humidity and ordered a small window-unit air conditioner from Amazon last week. The final straw was when I noticed mold growing on the mice in my closet. I’ll put up with quite a bit but I won’t allow my mice to be that uncomfortable.

The crabgrass has been loving the weather. You may notice its jaunty and vibrant lime-greenness popping up everywhere that there once was real grass. Crabgrass is ultimate opportunist — moving in and taking over while the others wilt in the heat, sort of like relatives from even hotter climates.

Our summer house, the Big Camp, remains unrented (personal conspiracy theories abound), so I’ve taken to having my morning coffee there on the porch. The outer harbor (over which I look) is remarkably quiet this time of day, much more so than in the fall when the scallop boats are in action. I do have company in the barn swallows that have taken residence in the porch eaves. I think they are a family of 12, judging by the waste they produce. Many times I have considered evicting the lot with a broom or hose, but I can’t bring myself to disrupt such an obvious family affair. I still get scolded when mom and dad see me, as if my thoughts alone are enough to anger them. And, of course, no good deed goes unpunished, as their stay has been extended by another two weeks. I want to tell them that they’re really not doing their baby birds any favors by coddling them so, and that it really is time to fly the nest, but they’re so set in their ways, these birds. You know swallows — there’s just no talking to them.

I attempted to post a notice for the RACL (our golf course) on the community bulletin yesterday morning. Thinking that it would be a quick and easy task, I took my modestly sized notice and a couple thumb tacks to the board while my truck waited in the ferry line. Surely I could pin up my paper in the interim between ferries (given the chaos that is people on bikes). Not so. Babysitters own the board with their 8x11 advertisements, and displacing them is like squeezing in next to sumo wrestlers in economy class. So the first ferry pause was taken up just with some visual planning — “Let’s see . . . if I move Erin over there and Becca up there . . . ” Then there are the business cards — these are the people on the bus that put their bags on the seat next to them, taking up way more space than needed. The second ferry trip was consumed with some artful relocation of larger posts, leaving the little guys for the third and final visit. The wind picked up for this final foray, and Sue Phinney nicely held some untethered posts for me while I moved and secured others (lest a well-intentioned notice for Thai massage get blown to the rosa rugosa thanks to my carelessness). Tension mounted as the ferry roared into the slip and I was yet to get my piece tacked in. I’m afraid that I may have barked at Sue like a MASH unit surgeon to a nurse, “Good gosh woman, the thumbtack! Stat!” Fortunately (and predictably), someone was loitering on the back of the ferry on their bike, so I had just enough time to get my notice up, slide shut the Plexiglas and start my engine before I infuriated the line of cars behind me. Perhaps when I have a spare moment, I will revisit the board and tidy it up. Perhaps not.

In CCC news: Friday at noon is the deadline for the 2014 Calendar Photo Contest. Please join the CCC on Monday, July, 29 from 4 to 6 p.m. for punch and cookies for the kick-off of the photo voting. Photos will be on display for two weeks with the final voting day being Friday, August 9.

Tuesday, July 30 will be the last Children’s Movie Night (unless anyone wants to volunteer). The movie, to be announced, will start at 6:30 p.m. Popcorn will be served but please bring your own drinks.

Wednesday, July 31 is lobster roll night again. Please sign up before noon on Tuesday. Rolls are $17 and come with chips and drink of your choice. Pick-up time is from 5 to 6:30 p.m. on Wednesday.