My father-in-law, Tom Maley, has been on my mind lately, and his presence there reminds me of a letter he wrote to his son, Tim, in 1959. Tim was then a freshman at college in California. I have condensed the letter for length, but the words are his, and I hope it retains its Tom-like sensibilities.
“Your asking me what I believe about God takes me a little at a moment’s notice. I’ll try to collect my thoughts, which unfortunately are not the same as my emotions.
“Having been brought up in a religion psychologically designed to rigidize people into a set of beliefs for a large group, I have been conditioned in one way, and no matter how liberalized one becomes, there is always a residual emotion present.
“The psychology is worked out on the soundest basis to bind people to the church, designed with the earnest attempt to keep the fold with an eye on eternity and the one great god. If one believes this, it makes life very simple and direct
“We no longer believe that fear is a real basis on which to establish love or good conduct. My own refusal to accept the idea of heaven or hell is merely one that is a distorted mistaken one. It seems to me that a god who is all good and all just could not possibly sponsor such an arrangement.
“But along with the residuum of fear there are basic concepts attributable to Christianity, such as, ‘love thy neighbor,’ and ‘do unto others,’ which are great inventions, so I can incorporate these things to my personal religion
“So yes, I do believe in God, and love him as a symbol of a perfect end to the imperfect beginning of it all. And I believe he must look like an el Greco just to satisfy my trying to visualize him, or even a Rembrandt. You see, I can’t even decide that so how can I answer the rest.”
And he followed these thoughts afterward with this: “At the moment the only advice I can offer is, ‘If your feet smell and your nose runs, you’re upside down.”
Also close to my heart is the up-coming Dine to Donate evening at Offshore Ale on Tuesday, March 31, from 4 to 8:30 p.m. The evening will include a silent auction and it is a benefit for Camp Jabberwocky.
Happy vernal equinox to all. Spring officially arrives Friday, March 20, at 10.46 a.m.
Happy birthday to Julie Robinson on Saturday, March 21, and to Dan Sauer on Monday, March 23.
This article appears in March 20, 2026.
Eileen, thank you for sharing this letter with us all. It was earnest but also so playful. I love getting a window into Tom and Tim’s connection, and am grateful for your wonderful column each week.
Thank you Rafe. So nice to hear from you.