Sooner or later we’ll kick the bucket, buy the farm, push up the daisies, be hauled away in wooden pajamas or whatever. While waiting, there is a free service you just may want to consult, and then again you may not. Developed a decade or so ago, the original now has a number of rivals. Named The Death Clock or something similar, all are easily located on the Internet and each will project day, month and year of — your death!
There are usually only a few pieces of information required. Date of birth, height, weight, gender and whether or not you smoke. Some clocks require a bit more. As to height, I have always been completely honest about a slight loss during recent years. My eldest son calls me the incredible shrinking man, but never mind. As to weight, I must admit having two figures. The one I use is my weight goal and the figure I never use is my true weight. The fact that I will never reach my weight goal, something I admitted years ago, is quite beside the point. After all, a few things really are confidential.
You might be surprised to learn that country of residence has a significant impact on life span. For example, using my data, projected life span in various countries is:
• South Africa: 48 years, 9 months, 18 days;
• Iraq: 59 years, 1 month, 4 days;
• Brazil: 65 years, 8 months, 17 days;
• USA: 74 years, 7 months, 4 days;
• Italy: 76 years, 9 months, 18 days;
• Sweden: 77 years, 11 months, 12 days.
You can ask for your expected life span in following modes: normal, pessimistic, sadistic and optimistic. Again, using my data, the calculations are:
• Normal: 74 years, 7 months, 4 days;
• Pessimistic and sadistic: I am sorry but your time has expired. Have a nice day;
• Optimistic: 98 years, 3 months, 20 days.
The clocks are all pretty close to one another. This leaves one big question to ask yourself: do you want to live a long or short life? Marvin Hamlisch, composer of Chorus Line, said: “I don’t see why I should deprive myself of everything I like to eat just to have another five years to deprive myself of what I like to eat.”
Well, there’s one thing we can be sure about. Sooner or later the grim reaper will be paying all of us a visit and, as in The Godfather, he’ll make us an offer we can’t refuse!
Charles Blank lives in Oak Bluffs.
This article appears in November 13, 2009.
My mother died this past February on her 96th birthday. After suffering from Alzheimer’s for several years, she was helpless and incontinent during her last two or three years. My father passed away 18 days after Mom, but he had all his wits about him and died of heart failure. I am 57, and if I end up like my mother, I do not want to live into my 90s.