A couple of suggestions, the first for giving a boost to the Oak Bluffs economy, the second for doing the same for our general well-being:

One: We should go on the euro. This is the form of currency in the western world that’s got some snap to it. The dollar’s a loser. Let’s dump it.

Yes, yes, we’ll have to secede from the United States, but I’ve been doing some thinking about how to go about it. Seems to me it’s only difficult to secede if a whole bunch of states decide to bail out together, whereas no one’s going to make a fuss about one little town on one little Island pledging its allegiance elsewhere. Granted, the whole Island tried to secede (from what and to go where, I don’t recall) back in the late 1970s, but that was just a publicity stunt, wasn’t it? Who’s still got the T-shirt? Martha’s Vineyard Secede Now. It was black with gold glitz graphics and lettering. Every so often I run across mine in a box in storage. It’s like a size 2; today I couldn’t even get an arm in it.

We should be low key about seceding, maybe join a small country like Luxembourg. Or Vatican City. We’re actually bigger than Vatican City. And that way we could do cool stuff like post two Swiss Guards at the bottom of Circuit avenue. And we could create fun T-shirts, like one with a big arrow on the back that reads, “I’m With the Pope.”

The important is getting those euro babies on our menus and price tags. Things would actually sound cheaper. A five-dollar burger at Linda Jean’s could be listed as two and a half euros.

Okay, that’s number one. Number two: We could all work longer, more productive days and be far more cheerful if we felt no compunction to watch or listen to the news every day. It wastes time and makes us worry, and for all the mental anguish we expend about this war here, that famine there, how much do we actually help? Let’s be honest — we believe that if we sigh and groan about calamities 10,000 miles away, we’re somehow making it better. I don’t think so. Here’s what Oak Bluffs can do to start a new philanthropic and time-saving trend: Out of our 2,000-plus citizenry, let’s divvy up the world into as many quadrants of longitude and latitude. Let’s say you took the area from, say, San Ferando to Jaly and from Da Nang to Catanduanes, and you said to me, “Did you hear about the tsunami in Viet Nam?” I could say, “Not my quadrant: I’ve got Singkawang to Yogyakarta and Palambang to Sejaka, and so far this year I’ve sent 50 blankets, 172 care packages and iPods for everyone.” We could clear our conscience to never listen to the news, and to subscribe only to newspapers involving our area.

Occasionally a big one would come along, like Hurricane Katrina, or Krakatoa blowing its top again, but that’s okay. We’ll all chip in and feel good about ourselves and then we’ll get back to reading our separate newsletters. I’ve got dibs on Norway.

Regarding our personal favorite part of the world, i.e. right here, mark the following events on your calendars:

A special town meeting begins at 7 p.m. on Tuesday at the Oak Bluffs School.

Fourth graders at the town school have formed an advisory council called the creative crew and they’ve adopted a school in Mantenopolis, Brazil (this is starting to sound like my mini-Marshall Plan described above). They will be sending art supplies, so if you would like to donate some, drop them off in the school office.

At the library today at 3:30 p.m. 6 to 10-year-olds are invited for story time, with reading and crafts along the theme of spy codes with Robin Tuck. On Wednesday, Dec. 12 at 10:30 a.m. preschool story time will involve a winter theme. On Thursday, Dec. 13 kids will make graham cracker gingerbread houses. On the same night family game night will take place at 6 p.m.

The fantastic annual Oak Bluffs School holiday bazaar will be Dec. 15 from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. To reserve a table call Rachel Araujo at 696-6940. From Dec. 8 to Dec. 22 the eighth grade is selling money calendars at $20 each, with a plan to give away $2,200 in cash; the odds of winning are better than the lottery.