HOLLY NADLER
508-274-2329
Last week’s Gazette had extra treatfuls of kooky Vineyard stories. How ’bout that one about UFO lights reported on the evening of September 19th? From all over the Island, people saw these multi-colored orbs dancing along the southern horizon. Then you turn to Page Ten only to learn that the source of the E.T. show was a Black Brandt XII four-stage rocket launched by NASA from Wallops Island Flight Facility in rural Virginia.
They expect us to believe that? How stupid do these sci ops think we are, we who’ve seen through the Roswell cover-up and the fake moon landing? Doesn’t anyone in these shadowy government agencies realize that we WANT to believe in little green buzzy men, that it’s not so far-fetched — just ask an Irish person about leprechauns.
Another good story resided on Page Three about the peach-faced lovebird found in the wild (well, the parking lot of the State Road Black Dog Cafe). The bird ended up at Animal Health Care Associates where the caustic cutie has shunned all other avian critters in residence. And it’s not any nicer to humans. The veterinary group has put out a call to anyone caring to adopt this nasty lovebird; now there’s a Christmas present.
I once lived with a white cockatoo named Felicity who belonged to journalist Jib Ellis, formerly of Oak Bluffs, now residing year-round in Stewart, Fla. I rented Jib’s yellow, mansard-roofed house next door to the State Police Barracks on Temahigan Road. Jib lived with his wife on the O.B. side of the Lagoon, but he kept the front rooms of the yellow house for his writing quarters, and in those quarters lurked Felicity, either inside or outside of or on top of her big cage.
Felicity had a screech like the sound track from a Tarzan movie. It was an agonized, high-decibel, elongated yawp that used to make my houseguests spring off their mattresses upstairs when it drilled through their dreams at 2:30 a.m. But here’s the best part: After each of the feathered darling’s outbursts, she followed it up with an ultra-annoyed “SHUT UP!” because that’s what she heard every day of her life whenever she attempted to set free her inner cockatoo.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the Vineyard housed more batty birds than any other place in America. After all, consider the eccentricities of our human population; now ,what kind of domestic birds would we end up with? My new husband, Jack, told me of his favorite Island bird, the late lamented Minnie, an African grey parrot belonging to landscaper Donna Kelly on Chappaquiddick. For some perverse reason, Minnie liked men better than women which meant that, while she occasionally bit even her beloved owner, when she climbed on Jack’s shoulder she took his earlobe between her beak, cooed and gently rolled her tongue around his flesh (jeez, he should have married HER!).
Minnie also had her share of English language phrases. Her most frequent was “Wanna squirt?” in her owner’s voice because Donna always offered to spray her with a water spritzer, Minnie’s favorite thing in the world. The voice-mimicking parrot disciplined the three dogs in Donna’s voice, causing the pooches to stop in their tracks and look up at the cage before getting back to misbehaving.
Hey, I’ve got a good idea — Let’s all tell Santa we want birds for the holidays!
Save this date: the Friends of the Oak Bluffs Library will be hosting their holiday party on Friday, Dec. 11, between 1 and 4 p.m. There’ll be good cheer, refreshments and entertainment for all ages, in the meeting room. And save up your sweet tooth urges — this crew really knows how to turn out the cupcakes, brownies, cookies and chocolate Santas.
Comments
Comment policy »