Gone are the days of making the usual New Year’s Resolution lists. No more vows to lose weight, exercise daily, abandon bad habits, be a kinder, gentler person. As we age we learn our limitations. Right now the only thing on my list is to get that Progressive spokeswoman off my TV screen, off the computer, and off all the print ads I see her in. I don’t hold out much hope for 2012 being some big improvement over 2011 but I do think that would be a nice start. She’s probably a nice woman, certainly needs a job, but does she have to be so visible and annoying? I cringe when I see and hear her. That ersatz pouf on her head reminds me of my son’s Davy Crockett hat. If Progressive gave me free auto, home, health, and veterinary insurance I would turn it down until they had a new advertising campaign. I don’t want to leave her jobless, so I’m going to offer her a suggestion for my dream job. I have always wanted to be the one who works for Revlon and comes up with those cute names for nail polish and lipstick. Toast of New York. Wine with Everything. Raven Red. Berry Cherry. Think about it, she could be in a nice quiet office playing with words all day and christening new products, rather than driving me out of my mind. Come to think of it, maybe I will apply for that job.

If some of you insist ’tis the season for self-improvement, call Dr. Roni at 774-208-2477 to join her new 90 day at home detox program. If you are thinking of celebrating in the opposite way, Chef Benjamin deForest has concocted a special New Year’s Day menu at Zephrus at the Mansion House, as well as an optional New Year’s Eve tasting menu. Book your reservation at 508-693-3416 to welcome in 2012.

Saturday will be another chance to party at Louisa Gould’s gallery on Main street with refreshments, treats, music, and sales on her Small Treasures collection. The event runs from noon to 4 p.m.

Our library is hosting the Woody Allen comedy Midnight in Paris on Tuesday at 7 p.m. The movie is free and so is the popcorn. The library also wants you to know that on Jan. 7, 21, and 28 you may check out an informal program to teach you to borrow free eBooks and download audiobooks from participating CLAMS libraries for your Kindle, Nook, and other devices.

The West Tisbury Congregational Church also begins its weekly Wednesday suppers on Wednesday, Jan. 4. The suppers begin at 5:30 p.m. and will continue through March 28. Side dishes are gratefully accepted but not required.

Our American Legion Auxiliary will not hold winter meetings; the next meeting will be on March 20. All are welcome, we would love to meet new members. Call me about joining.

The birthday bandwagon pulls along Claire Elizabeth O’Leary and Dane Bliss today. Tomorrow honors Gracie Carlson. Jan. 1 is shared by Liz Duff and Kylee Willoughby. Jan. 2 is for Joy Clark, Brian Doherty, Sue Rabot, Anthony Masi, and Madeline Noel Doup. Jan. 3 is claimed by Donna Tankard. Jan. 4 is for Barsha Tolin and Helena Nivala. And on Jan. 5 Jim Bishop and Anthony Iammarino take the cake. Many happy returns.