Slip Away farm has been experimenting with flavored eggs. They discovered quite by accident that when chickens consumed a combination of coffee and cocoa beans, the eggs had a wonderful mocha aftertaste. “The problem,” says Collins Heavener, director of wholesale marketing at the farm, “is getting them to eat enough of the stuff that it will make the eggs taste really different from plain old farm fresh eggs. The chickens were willing to gulp down the cooking sherry alright, but without the Hollandaise sauce to back it up we might just have to give up on the automatic eggs Benedict idea.”
Pimpneymouse farm has been waiting patiently to hear back from the government on their application to grow medicinal marijuana. Edo Potter seemed exasperated. “We need to know soon if we have the go ahead. You have to plan your crops well in advance. The PH for growing dope, I mean medicinal marijuana, is different from that required for hay. If we plant all of our hay fields in weed, I mean medicinal marijuana, we can harvest it just like hay. Our baler will make quick work of the mature plants.”
The Trustees of Reservations, in an effort to cultivate more public interest in Mytoi Garden, have concluded that perhaps all that is needed is a name change. Unfortunately, the local advisory committee is deadlocked on choosing between Yourtoi and Ourtoi. The superintendent will cast the deciding vote, but is currently preoccupied overseeing the delivery of two dozen leased Baja-style VW dune buggies which will be rented out at the Dyke Bridge Gatehouse this summer on a trial basis. “People drive wherever the hell they want anyway.” says Chris Kennedy, “At least this way they’re not so likely to get stuck.” The rental fees will be earmarked for dune restoration.
The Chappy Community Center activities director has come up with some great new ideas for CCC-sponsored instruction. Lynn Martinka said, “I was a little bit nervous in making my proposal to the board. But I think that there may be a lot of people out there who would jump at the chance to take archery, unicycle, tightrope or skydiving classes without having to leave Chappy.” The ever-realistic chairman of the board Marvene O’Rourke said, “Our insurance company isn’t going to touch this with a 10-foot pole.”
Members of the Chappy fire department were very excited to finally see their dream of getting a 2,000 gallon fire truck come true, that is until they found out that an airborne firefighting tanker cost only a little bit more. The same Pennsylvania factory that was building the fire truck also converts airplanes to the firefighting service and they were happy to make the substitution. Of course we’ll need pilots. Skip Bettencourt said, “I’ll do it. I’ve been flying my remote control helicopter for a couple of weeks and have gotten pretty good at it. How different could it be flying a real plane?”
The name “Chappy Store” has been bandied about in the boardrooms of several well-known corporate giants lately. McDonalds, Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts all are aggressively vying for the opportunity to be the first to become established here on Chappy. “It’s news to me,” said storeowner Gerry Jeffers.
The construction of the bike path has finally gotten under way. Most folks would be unaware of this colossal undertaking since rather than paralleling the paved road, the path will run around the entire circumference of Chappy just above the high tide line. Said a longtime supporter of the effort, “We hadn’t foreseen this but the seagulls now have a place to drop shells without having to fly all of the way over to the road.”
The Edgartown Conservation Commission seemed surprised when Richard Schifter came before them with a request to move his house back to where it was before. The commissioners were also amazed to learn that the breach had closed way back on Valentine’s Day. “And I thought that I was the last to know,” quipped the resilient Mr. Schifter, “Chappaquiddickers are a tight-lipped bunch! I only found out about it on Tuesday. I thought it was an April Fool’s Day joke!”