What do you do when you’re a 12-year old boy strolling down Lucy Vincent Beach with your buddies and you spot your orthodontist? And he’s not wearing any clothes.

And that couple at Menemsha Beach playing music so loudly. So what if it’s Hamilton. Dare you ask them to lower the volume?

Drones buzzing over the Gay Head Cliffs. Can you complain? Ezra from Brooklyn thinks so. “They should be outlawed. Seagulls are fine. But not drones.”

Etiquette on the beach is a tricky affair. Here you are on a breathtaking Vineyard beach, away from it all, and yet so much can get in your way: second-hand smoke, flying beach balls, a man screaming into his cell phone.

And let’s not forget America’s best friends. Didn’t the couple walking their Labradoodle Max read the sign naming species prohibited from the beach? What if Max jumps up on you? And what about arguably the most egregious of all sins: their failure to clean up after Max.

Often, what it boils down to is what behavior to address and what to ignore. When is enough enough. People differ. Sometimes what’s behind the perpetrator’s behavior is insensitivity, ignorance or a belief that beaches offer absolute freedom.

It’s at the parking lot where push often first comes to shove. Darrius, the attendant at the Aquinnah municipal lot seems bemused by it all. “Vermont people are the politest,” he says. And the worst attitude? It takes only a second for a reply (think the Statue of Liberty).

“Sometimes I say hello and ask, how’s your day going? They just look at me and want to be done. They don’t want to park by the rocks. Or the dirt. Or anywhere near sand. They want to be closer to the path. Or claim ‘That’s my usual place, over there by the shade.’ Some feel entitled and complain about the fee to park. Call it a ripoff. When the parking lot’s full, they show their true colors. Try to cut into line.”

Juleann VanBelle, the attendant at the Philbin Beach parking lot also notices more people trying to sneak in without beach passes or trying to use last year’s expired pass. The behavior intrigues her. “The way people act when sneaking, as if they’re oblivious. They cover their faces and speed through,” she says. Called out, they offer lame excuses. “I left it at my grandmother’s,” she recounts. “Just dropping off cold seltzer . . . A raccoon ate it.”

Once you’re on the beach, the consensus is that blasting cell phones and litter are most annoying. At Katama one man in a bathing suit, standing knee-deep in water was yelling into a phone, “No, no, I have to be at a meeting in the city this afternoon.”

Then there are the people who spray suntan lotion, sunscreen or even worse, poisonous bug spray which drifts over to their neighbors. “I hate the spray,” one woman protested. “You can smell it from far away. I don’t want to breathe it. I think you should outlaw sprays. It gets into people’s food. It’s gross. It’s not like there aren’t other options. Like rubbing on cream.”

And if that weren’t bad enough, her companion warned: “Never ever put a beach chair in front of a person. We deserve a clear view of all this grandeur.”

Ted Sutton lives in Newton and Aquinnah.