On the Vineyard a tangible sense of healing and peace envelops you. This peace can be heard in the lapping of waves at Lighthouse Beach, felt in the refreshing jolt of a New England breeze atop the Gay Head Cliffs, and seen in the friendly smile of a stranger in a Vineyard Haven coffee shop.
But the place that embodies this spirit most of all is the Edgartown Lighthouse Children’s Memorial, which surrounds the base of the Edgartown Lighthouse. Rick Harrington proposed the idea for the memorial after his son Ricky died in a car accident in 1995. Memorial stones bearing the names of children are arranged around the base of the lighthouse where thousands of people come to visit each year. The light remains on throughout the night in memory of all of the children.
Families, parents and siblings gather at the lighthouse each year on the fourth Sunday in September for the annual Ceremony of Remembrance.
This past May, my mother and I flew up from our hometown of Williamsburg, Va. to visit my brother Parker’s memorial stone for the first time. In 1992 my brother and I were born prematurely at only 25 weeks. Due to medical complications resulting from the prematurity, Parker died shortly after birth and I spent the first few months of my life on a ventilator in the NICU at Children’s Hospital of the King’s Daughters in Norfolk, Va. After a prolonged period of waiting and surgeries, I was free to go home thanks to the help of loving and supportive parents who never left my side as well as a team of amazing pediatricians, surgeons and nurses.
I grew up to be a healthy young man and began to process and understand my brother’s death in my teenage years. The years went on, and so did my questions and my grief. I was in a desperate search of a special place for healing and I found that beautiful, tranquil place at Lighthouse Beach. I stumbled upon the children’s memorial after reading the Gazette article Walking in Grace’s Footsteps, Family Finds Measure of Peace.
The article was about seven-year-old Grace McDonnell, a regular Vineyard visitor and aspiring artist who was killed in the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting in 2012. Grace’s parents purchased a memorial stone in her memory and the Island she loved to visit became a place of healing for her family.
The trek from North Water street down to Lighthouse Beach was a long one. We located Parker’s stone and I began to hunt for shells I thought he would like. As I was doing this a peace like I had never felt before washed over me. We continued to pay our respects and say our goodbyes. Then as we turned around and began to walk back up the path toward the Harbor View Hotel, something made me pause and I headed back to the front of the lighthouse.
I checked the list of names, my finger hovering over the M’s until I found Grace’s stone. I began to adorn the edges with multicolored shells, taking my time to honor the young aspiring artist.
Oftentimes I miss my brother very much, pondering many questions and asking, “what would have been?”
What I have learned is that although there is a time for grief there is also a time to smile, which I do when thinking about the light that shines brightly over Edgartown Harbor every night and on Parker, Grace, and all the other children memorialized there.
Maya Angelou once said, “Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.” It is true, we all have a light inside of us and we are all keepers of the light. In a time when hate, anger and divisiveness seem to rule I think the best way to honor the loved ones we lost is to be kind and show love to others.
Grayson Moore lives in Williamsburg, Va.
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