Please join me for the grand opening of my soon-to-be-established business Roundabout Suit. The festivities will be held in the center of the roundabout at a future date — to be announced.

Said business, of a semi, nonbinding legal aspect and of most deplorable origin, will be catering to the multitudes of maimed and dearly departed walkers, cyclists and motorists that endeavoured, though no misconceptions of their own, to navigate the aforementioned besmirchment (no previous experience required). Upon receipt of my pending riches I will purchase a new pickup truck (mine is spent) so as to be able to give all those who still find roundabouts impressive an open-air, one-way ride to the boat.

For directions to the grand opening, just follow the miles of preceedingly insalubrious roundabout signage.

Rob Hammett
Oak Bluffs