Belle Burden’s divorce memoir, Strangers, does not have a clean resolution. The book — much of which takes place at her seasonal home in Vineyard Haven — does not answer why her husband of 20 years left her suddenly and without warning in the middle of the 2020 Covid-19 lockdown, nor why her now ex-husband did not want custody of their three children.
The lack of happy ending — and the lack of answers — is part of the reason why the celebrity book groups did not select Ms. Burden’s book, she said at the opening event of this year’s Martha’s Vineyard Author Series on Saturday. But it’s also part of why Ms. Burden thinks her book has been so successful.
“I think that people really connect to that feeling of not getting an answer,” said Ms. Burden at the event. “I think that happens a lot in our lives, when a friendship ends, when a relationship ends. You often don’t know why, and I think that often is the core of what people are connecting to.”
In conversation with author Alexandra Styron, Ms. Burden spoke in front of a packed audience at the Winnetu Oceanside Resort about the genesis of Strangers and the aftermath of its release. The memoir has spent 20 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list.
“Her book has people talking everywhere, at the farmers’ market this morning, at weddings, and yes, at bar mitzvahs too,” said Suellen Lazarus, director of the series, as she introduced Ms. Burden.
The book’s popularity was completely unexpected, said Ms. Burden. Its enormous reaction, including an outpouring of similar stories from thousands of women, has been both a surprise and a comfort.
“This is not an uncommon story,” Ms. Burden said. “It happens a lot, and it often happens with the exact same abruptness, the same language, the lack of warning, not a single word about being unhappy, about wanting anything to be different. It’s actually pretty chilling.”
The conclusion that Ms. Burden settled on is about the roles we play in our relationships and family.
“I think that, possibly for him, he enjoyed the role of husband and father, and he enjoyed that family construct, and perhaps at some moment decided that that role did not work for him anymore,” she said. “I think there is an element of male entitlement in this....I think there is an element of, you are allowed to leave this way. And I think that’s a problem.”
Reflecting on the relationship, Ms. Burden still has trouble seeing the signs that led to what was a “very cruel way to leave a marriage.” But she does see red flags in the financial story underpinning her marriage. As her family grew, Ms. Burden let her husband take control of their finances while she paused her career to care for her children. Her ex-husband, meanwhile, made millions of dollars each year as a hedge fund manager.
In their divorce proceedings, Ms. Burden was afraid of losing both her New York apartment and Martha’s Vineyard home, which she had emptied her trust funds to purchase. Ms. Burden put her husband’s name on both homes, allowing him to leverage them in their divorce, while his earnings remained his own, according to their prenup.
The New Yorker magazine published an article in May titled What’s Missing from Belle Burden’s Book Strangers. The article posits that Ms. Burden made more money than she claimed, backing it up with figures of her earnings over multiple years.
Ms. Styron asked Ms. Burden about the New Yorker article at Saturday’s event.
“I will say that article was very misleading, very inaccurate,” Ms. Burden said. “It did not talk about my husband’s finances, it talked about my finances. There is a relative story here that was not addressed in that piece.”
Ms. Burden said there is nothing she would change in the book.
“I think I was very transparent in the book, very detailed,” she said. “I stand by everything, every single thing I wrote, including the fear I felt during my divorce.”
One audience member asked about a counterclaim Ms. Burden filed in her divorce challenging her prenup, which evoked a strong reaction from her husband. Ms. Burden said she could not elaborate on the subject, because it is a sealed court document.
“But it’s not good,” she said. “It’s not good, and it’s all true. So it is the next layer of the financial story, which is part of what was frustrating about the [New Yorker] article....because it does not tell the full story at all.”
Audience members commended Ms. Burden on her writing and her courage. Many connected to her story as children of divorce, or having gone through divorces themselves.
“You heard me, although we don’t know each other, but I heard you, and I felt like your words were my description,” said one audience member, reflecting on her own divorce.
Ms. Burden told the crowd that it is an honor to hear others’ stories, after having shared such intimate details about her own life. It is in these moments she feels most connected to her readers.
“In that moment, you’re saying that I made you feel less alone, but now you’ve made me feel more normal too, because I really felt like I was the only person this had happened to,” said Ms. Burden. “That was the driving force behind me writing this, was to make someone who has gone through it feel that way.”
Next up in the series is Tayari Jones on Sunday, July 12 at the Performing Arts Center. Jill Biden takes the Performing Arts Center stage on Thursday, July 16. For a full schedule and tickets, visit mvbookfestival.org.
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